mel-web

We often find ourselves in a tough place.  We get overwhelmed with responsibilities, a painful experience, or just the stress of breathing.  So we look for hope and inspiration.  Our past though it may (or may not) be full or triumphs over similar situations, good memories, and wonderful people can also be tough to look at when we’re seeing negativity.  We don’t see the good stuff when we’re currently in a bad state.  We see the compromises we still don’t like, the bad choices we made, the dreams given up, the regret and remorse for the way things went.  So we can’t look back when we are really struggling again.  So we look to the future.

The future holds promise, excitement, dreams yet to come true.  But not so much when we’re not seeing our way through today.  Get hit with “I want that now!” issue.  Pain and frustration with what we have not yet achieved.  Might not even be stuff you can get: personal partner, understanding, timing, financial freedom, or anything else outside you’re control.  They are simply out of reach no matter how much you want them now.

So here we are, hating today, pissed of at yesterday, and frustrated with tomorrow.  Can’t look ahead, can’t look back, and hate the view here.  Now What?

Well, I have good news.  We’re not 2D.  Feels like it though doesn’t it?  It’s me and the world.  Just the two of us at odds.  You and those responsiblities, those needs, those pains.  There is what is inside you trying to get out and what it outside you pressing in.  Well I encourage you to try a new direction.  Up.  Yup, that’s right, toward the heavens.  Try it.  Bend your neck back and look up at the sky (works nicely outside).  It feels different. I promise.

There are days when you want a job, and there are days you love your career.  Jobs are simple, self contained methods of earning money.  You show up, you do your job, you leave and spend the money you made.  Careers are different.  They make demands on your time outside your paid hours, there’s potential to move, grow, and advance.  You invest in your skills and your abilities.   You make trade-offs in your life to do so.  But it feels good to be passionately wrapped up in something.  Today, and maybe next Monday, I’d just like a nice job.

To be honest though you can have nearly any position in the world and treat it as a job or a career.  If it’s meant to be treated like a career and you treat it like a job, well, things might not end well, and probably sooner than you’d like.  I can imagine your always worried that you’re being let go, and that is a scary prospect because you have no idea where you’d go if that happens.  Jobs are dependent on employers and don’t have much of a life of their own.  And if you have a job and you treat it like a career, well, I imagine you’re feeling rather unfulfilled and bothered about how others are not putting in like you do.  Life probably feels rather unfair because you’re not advancing and growing as it feels like you should be.  Balance comes in knowing what you have, and treating it appropriately.

I never wanted a career.  The idea of a job for a while until hubby & kids came along is much more appealing.  I want to be a old-school mom.   You know, great with house work, raising well rounded kids, a good host to neighbors and friends.  All that classic TV family stuff.  So, knowing that college was more secure than finding a suitor I went for a degree I could work from home with: Computer Science.  That’s gone well, a little too well.  Now, about 5 years later, I have budding career I never intended.

I find myself in this career a bit bitter, but a bit excited. I’m loving what I’m doing, and I’m hating getting up to do it.  I imagine someday I’ll have reduced hours and be more at peace with things.  But for right now, in this time, I feel oddly pressed into something I like.  And that just seems contradictory doesn’t it?  How does one get pressured into to doing something they want to do?  Wouldn’t it just happen without pressure?  I suppose it sort of did.  I love my where my career is going.  I can see it working out very well long term.  However, when the alarm goes off in the morning, I’m still going to be dragging me feet all the way to my beloved window seat in the office.

I left that cozy window seat at about 6:15 p.m. tonight after a 1.75 hour conference call with project members from Chicago and California.  I have some more work to do tonight (partly because I’m curious), and that will put me at about 10 hours today (which is quite a bit above my average).  So I find myself with sore eyes, an aching brain, and the curiosity of how I ended up in this career.  It’s a good career, but it’s definitely a career.  Now the balancing act: keep work at work, home at home, and reflect & mature each while not active at it.

I wouldn’t mind a job somedays, but I like where my career is going.

It was so weird for me at first that he never closes his eyes when he kisses me.  Well, actually at first I didn’t notice because my eyes were closed.  I asked him about him about it and I didn’t get some sweet lies about how he can’t take his eyes off me.  I got the truth: it’s just how he is.  He likes it better that way.

I continued to close my eyes under the impression that when I close my eyes I can concentrate more on my other senses.  And I did, and not just with him.  When I was relaxing with music, I’d focus on the sounds.  In the shower on the warmth.  Laying down to rest I’d close my eyes and shut out the world and concentrate on the sensation of my body releasing tension.  Then I got curious.  I started sneaking a peek here and there.  It was uncomfortable at first, and I had to let go of that and embrace the pleasant sights.  I’m finding it complimentary and that in many cases it’s enhancing my experiences.

Last night was the real ‘eye opener’ (sorry couldn’t resist the pun).  I was hanging in the hammock chair in the ManLand listening to music and reflecting on the week. Normally I close my eyes as I listen to take in the full spectrum of sounds in the music, and so I started that way.  Then I peeked.  We had just hung new track lighting above the pool table and turned off all other lights.  It created a great atmosphere, plus I got to admire his handy work: new lights, new bar stools.  The sight warmed my heart.  My eyes continued to drift shut (and eventually I took a short nap) but I felt better each time I opened them again.

There are still times I prefer to have my eyes closed, and there are moments I look forward to feeling comfortable to openly admiring.  I must thank my love for being confident enough to be himself and helping me experience pleasures in new ways.

Now I’m curious though: in what ways have people in your life helped you to enjoy our short stint on this planet?  Have you picked up great insight, habits, perspective, or behaviors from others?  Did you ever tell them ‘Thank you’?  Do you still have time to do so?  Will you? What about God, His Son?  Will you tell Him so?